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jellyfish
Hisao: Huh, so you just... like, go around asking people what's wrong with them?
Rin: Pretty much.
Rin: Don't you want to ask?
Hisao: ... How do you paint without hands?
Rin: See, I'm an easy person to talk to, right? With my feet.
Rin: It has to be like... like the color when you wake up and you know that you saw the meaning of life in your dream but can't remember it.
Rin: Maybe it's yellow...
Rin: Legs hurt though. They feel like slugs. Slugs made of sea slugs.
Hisao: Seems like the art club is full of interesting people.
Rin: Not really.
[Pretty blunt statement, and she totally missed the sarcasm.]
Rin: Just like I said. They are not very interesting. I usually don't have much interest in people who are not interesting.
Hisao: You're a deep one.
Rin: Nah. I'm a really shallow and thoughtless person. People say that to me all the time.
Rin: Did you know I can only think of four things at the same time?
Hisao: What are you doing here this late?
...
Rin: I...
Rin: I was wondering about that myself too. Just now.
Rin: Some people asked that just before. I assume they were wondering the same.
Rin: I didn't know. They didn't know either. I asked. That's why I'm wondering.
Rin: So that was pretty much it. It's a murder mystery without the murder.
[For a person who gives an impression of being the quiet type, Rin really does use a lot of words to say things that don't need a lot to be said.]
[She seems to be that kind of person. Always so relaxed. As if bull elephant-grade sedatives were flowing in her veins in the place of blood.]
[Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly completely random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess. It's like that, except with human interaction.]
[Like Kenji, Rin appears quick to jump to completely irrational conclusions.]
Rin: I think I am going to go in a fetal position and throw up. Possibly in reverse order.
Rin: I don't really like talking about art. It is already a way to talk without talking, so why bother talking about it? It's like being bored and talking about being bored, because you are bored.
Rin: You know, how she just talks talks talks about nothing for hours. It's like her head is made of bubblegum foam bath jelly.
[Rin doesn't seem to let anyone close. I don't think even Emi could say she's crossed the gap that seems to separate Rin from the rest of the world.
I don't understand it. She seems so indifferent, yet so passionate at the same time. ]
Rin: A lot of things. And some not-things. Unthings. I don't think that's a word.
Rin: Talking is hard. I mean, it's not hard, I'm talking even now. But saying the right things is really hard for me. No matter what, I just can't say the things I want.
Hisao: That sounds weird.
Rin: It's true. I say all kinds of things that I don't really mean all the time. And sometimes I forget words and then I use the wrong words. I even come up with new words for things that already have some. That's the worst thing.
Rin: I get really nervous and everything comes out a mess and even I don't really understand what I want to say.
Rin: I think there's something wrong with me that makes it like this. Remember when I said I can only think of four things at the same time?
Rin: It's not really four. I mean, it is four, but everything else is also there kind of in the background. Like being in an amusement park and a beehive at the same time. But that's not the point.
Rin: But it's there all the time. Strong and deeper. Yeah, deeper is a good word. I like that word. Deeper. It's that feeling of being underwater Maybe it's just art. The more I paint, the more words I forget. Maybe at some point I will forget how to speak completely.
Rin: It's like I'm fading away from the world.
Rin: Paintings stay behind. When I look at my old things, I remember what I was thinking back when I made them.
Rin: I guess they are proof of my existence.
Rin: Change is the scariest thing in the world to me.
Rin: And I seriously don't know if I want to change into a person who could do the thing the teacher wants me to do. I don't know if I could even if I wanted to.
Rin: I am different every day, but I'm still me every day. Who am I then?
Rin: Yeah, maybe I'm not the sky. Would make sense, I have a hard time knowing what kind of a person I am.
Hisao: You're not the only one.
Rin: It's like my mind is in some other place than the rest of me.
Rin: I don't really feel that disabled. I mean I do pretty much everything differently, but it's not that hard. I can always practice.
Rin: I think, in the end I'm not really that happy with how I am either, but that doesn't mean I regret being who I am.
Rin: Some things are hard to understand- like jellyfish. Do you understand jellyfish?
Hisao: I... I guess not.
Rin: People are like jellyfish to me. I don't understand.
Rin: I've never really had friends.
Rin: I have always been able to tell everything to pencils and paints and paper. They are my best friends. It is harder with people. I have to use words, that is hard for me.
Rin: That's no good. I have to do it. If I can't paint any more, I will be destroyed for real.
[It's like she's open to everything, equally (dis)interested in everything from the outset. In truth, she's locked tighter than anyone else I know. Even myself.
Sometimes she locks herself inside that inner world, shutting everything else out.
At other times, her thoughts flow freely from her mind, but not organized in any fashion that would make them intelligible to the rest of the world.
What comes out in the form of paintings, I can't interpret. To me it's just a sea of colors and shapes, not a message.]
Rin: I wanted someone to say "I understand how you feel." Wouldn't that be great?
Hisao: But why is it so important?
Rin: Because otherwise... I don't know if I can bear this.
Rin: I don't know why the right words never come out. I don't know why I can laugh only when I make myself. I don't know why everything stays only inside me, even when it feels like i'm going to burst.
Rin: But who... who would ever want to feel like that?
Rin: I don't. I don't want to feel like that.
[Rin is not a prodigal art genius, nor an unpredictable idiot savant who could tear the logic lobe of my brain into shreds whenever she opened her mouth. She is just a girl that I thought I loved, a loved one who wanted to be my friend, a friend whom I let down.]
Rin: I'm not a real artist either. I just paint because it makes me feel like I can really feel something.
Rin: Maybe I am that kind of person. The kind who belongs only to herself.
Rin: I can't hug anyone, Hisao. I'm a bad person. That's why I have to go.
Rin: I will learn to hug people in my own way. I'm sure I can become a real artist. But if I do... I might not be able to be me anymore.
BAD END: Hisao leaves Rin
NEUTRAL END: Rin goes to Tokyo
GOOD END: Rin accepts herself
Rin: Pretty much.
Rin: Don't you want to ask?
Hisao: ... How do you paint without hands?
Rin: See, I'm an easy person to talk to, right? With my feet.
Rin: It has to be like... like the color when you wake up and you know that you saw the meaning of life in your dream but can't remember it.
Rin: Maybe it's yellow...
Rin: Legs hurt though. They feel like slugs. Slugs made of sea slugs.
Hisao: Seems like the art club is full of interesting people.
Rin: Not really.
[Pretty blunt statement, and she totally missed the sarcasm.]
Rin: Just like I said. They are not very interesting. I usually don't have much interest in people who are not interesting.
Hisao: You're a deep one.
Rin: Nah. I'm a really shallow and thoughtless person. People say that to me all the time.
Rin: Did you know I can only think of four things at the same time?
Hisao: What are you doing here this late?
...
Rin: I...
Rin: I was wondering about that myself too. Just now.
Rin: Some people asked that just before. I assume they were wondering the same.
Rin: I didn't know. They didn't know either. I asked. That's why I'm wondering.
Rin: So that was pretty much it. It's a murder mystery without the murder.
[For a person who gives an impression of being the quiet type, Rin really does use a lot of words to say things that don't need a lot to be said.]
[She seems to be that kind of person. Always so relaxed. As if bull elephant-grade sedatives were flowing in her veins in the place of blood.]
[Talking with Rin is like playing chess with a supercomputer who does seemingly completely random moves as if to mock everything you know about chess. It's like that, except with human interaction.]
[Like Kenji, Rin appears quick to jump to completely irrational conclusions.]
Rin: I think I am going to go in a fetal position and throw up. Possibly in reverse order.
Rin: I don't really like talking about art. It is already a way to talk without talking, so why bother talking about it? It's like being bored and talking about being bored, because you are bored.
Rin: You know, how she just talks talks talks about nothing for hours. It's like her head is made of bubblegum foam bath jelly.
[Rin doesn't seem to let anyone close. I don't think even Emi could say she's crossed the gap that seems to separate Rin from the rest of the world.
I don't understand it. She seems so indifferent, yet so passionate at the same time. ]
Rin: A lot of things. And some not-things. Unthings. I don't think that's a word.
Rin: Talking is hard. I mean, it's not hard, I'm talking even now. But saying the right things is really hard for me. No matter what, I just can't say the things I want.
Hisao: That sounds weird.
Rin: It's true. I say all kinds of things that I don't really mean all the time. And sometimes I forget words and then I use the wrong words. I even come up with new words for things that already have some. That's the worst thing.
Rin: I get really nervous and everything comes out a mess and even I don't really understand what I want to say.
Rin: I think there's something wrong with me that makes it like this. Remember when I said I can only think of four things at the same time?
Rin: It's not really four. I mean, it is four, but everything else is also there kind of in the background. Like being in an amusement park and a beehive at the same time. But that's not the point.
Rin: But it's there all the time. Strong and deeper. Yeah, deeper is a good word. I like that word. Deeper. It's that feeling of being underwater Maybe it's just art. The more I paint, the more words I forget. Maybe at some point I will forget how to speak completely.
Rin: It's like I'm fading away from the world.
Rin: Paintings stay behind. When I look at my old things, I remember what I was thinking back when I made them.
Rin: I guess they are proof of my existence.
Rin: Change is the scariest thing in the world to me.
Rin: And I seriously don't know if I want to change into a person who could do the thing the teacher wants me to do. I don't know if I could even if I wanted to.
Rin: I am different every day, but I'm still me every day. Who am I then?
Rin: Yeah, maybe I'm not the sky. Would make sense, I have a hard time knowing what kind of a person I am.
Hisao: You're not the only one.
Rin: It's like my mind is in some other place than the rest of me.
Rin: I don't really feel that disabled. I mean I do pretty much everything differently, but it's not that hard. I can always practice.
Rin: I think, in the end I'm not really that happy with how I am either, but that doesn't mean I regret being who I am.
Rin: Some things are hard to understand- like jellyfish. Do you understand jellyfish?
Hisao: I... I guess not.
Rin: People are like jellyfish to me. I don't understand.
Rin: I've never really had friends.
Rin: I have always been able to tell everything to pencils and paints and paper. They are my best friends. It is harder with people. I have to use words, that is hard for me.
Rin: That's no good. I have to do it. If I can't paint any more, I will be destroyed for real.
[It's like she's open to everything, equally (dis)interested in everything from the outset. In truth, she's locked tighter than anyone else I know. Even myself.
Sometimes she locks herself inside that inner world, shutting everything else out.
At other times, her thoughts flow freely from her mind, but not organized in any fashion that would make them intelligible to the rest of the world.
What comes out in the form of paintings, I can't interpret. To me it's just a sea of colors and shapes, not a message.]
Rin: I wanted someone to say "I understand how you feel." Wouldn't that be great?
Hisao: But why is it so important?
Rin: Because otherwise... I don't know if I can bear this.
Rin: I don't know why the right words never come out. I don't know why I can laugh only when I make myself. I don't know why everything stays only inside me, even when it feels like i'm going to burst.
Rin: But who... who would ever want to feel like that?
Rin: I don't. I don't want to feel like that.
[Rin is not a prodigal art genius, nor an unpredictable idiot savant who could tear the logic lobe of my brain into shreds whenever she opened her mouth. She is just a girl that I thought I loved, a loved one who wanted to be my friend, a friend whom I let down.]
Rin: I'm not a real artist either. I just paint because it makes me feel like I can really feel something.
Rin: Maybe I am that kind of person. The kind who belongs only to herself.
Rin: I can't hug anyone, Hisao. I'm a bad person. That's why I have to go.
Rin: I will learn to hug people in my own way. I'm sure I can become a real artist. But if I do... I might not be able to be me anymore.
BAD END: Hisao leaves Rin
NEUTRAL END: Rin goes to Tokyo
GOOD END: Rin accepts herself